stereotypes of the modern homosexual male

oh, my elementary music and art class . it's from 6-8 pm on tuesdays. i don't plan on teaching music or art. the professor hates kaylee and i. i can't stand her either because she talks about herself the whole time. and she loves gifted children. who loves gifted children?! they're super annoying.

but that's not the point.

over spring break we had an assignment called a "blackout poem". we were handed a piece of paper with a random article written on it. mine was some article about masquerades in the 1500's or something. with said paper, we are to "black out" with sharpie the words we don't want and keep the words we do want on the paper to create a poem.

since she assigned this over spring break, my plan of action was to create my poem quickly in class and turn it in. you can't really give anyone's poetry an "F" so i was not willing to waste any time on this knowing i would get the same exact grade had i worked an hour on it .
luckily i was chosen to present my poem last so i had time to conjure something up as my classmates presented. their poems were either very cutesy and elementary school-like (not in a bad way- that is the class, after all) or really dark and awkwardly depressing. not to mention some were elaborate and artsy.
i was gazing over my paper and i saw the word "gay". my ten-year-old boy brain went on autopilot as i quickly spotted some other words that would fit the "gayness" of the poem quite nicely. even more fitting, i did not have a black sharpie handy- only a purple marker.

here was the result that i presented to the class (keep in mind EACH of these words were separated by paragraphs)

i titled it "stereotypes of the modern gay man"

gay.

folly,

fine eye for colors and fashion,

embellishments of glitter.

he steps to and fro merrily

stiff they venture to indulge in their gaieties (it was just too good to leave out. sorry)

night life buzz

expressive appearance.



i don't think prof anonymous liked this too much by the look on her face. but the class did.

for old time's sake.

over spring break (well, over allie and phil's spring break) team india (minus 1...) met up in the lovely city of boston to bask in one another's company once again. we hadn't seen each other since the summer so it was really nice to reminisce on our times in india with those who truly understand those memories. we decided that our meeting place was exactly the opposite of india- cold, clean, and full of convenience.
we re-lived stories such as phil's voice cracking during a song, the night by body broke out in hives literally from head to toe, auntie watching television and saying "britney spears wants to die...very funny", and the night our electricity went out (for longer than normal) and we sat around telling scary stories.
but, in true nostalgic fashion, we seemed to forget all the annoyances we had with india during our two month visit. annoyances such as nothing being efficient, no control over our schedule or lives, dirty feet, humidity, and bad attitudes in general.
that said, we fully intend to go back. together. mark my words.

the break-up

since i didn't have a boyfriend to break-up with on valentine's day this year (or any other year, really) i decided to instead break-up with my brown hair.

my brunette hair and i have had a good two and a half years together- going dark rescued me from having to spend $80 at my hair salon every 6 weeks to touch-up my roots (brown hair can be done at home for $10). even though i know low maintenance is generally a good thing, it can get boring and repetitive at times. "rich caramel brown" and "dark chocolate brown" always end up looking the same. always.

i could have gone back to being Blondie McBlonderson like i was in high school, but i instead chose to go back to (almost) my natural golden blonde color that i haven't seen since i was 14.



voila! mom is sure glad to see blonde back. she's missed it since the day i came home brunette.

other tidbits:

- jessy and i are writing a book compiled of funny stories...kinda like david sedaris and better than chelsea handler. it's going to be amazing because we're hilarious. and we're seriously writing it so stay tuned.

-the gerber commercial always played on TLC with the woman giving birth while she feeds the camera her line really creeps me out. not just that part- the entire commercial is just awkward.

-my grandmother along with all of my extended family members over the age of 60 have created facebook accounts while on some sort of enlightening family reunion in atlanta. i was already weirded out that i had to deny my mom's friend request several times..then when i saw all of my other relatives getting on facebook i gave up and let the inevitable happen. looking at their pages as they discover this technology is actually pretty funny.

- i'm going to boston for spring break to hang out with the team i went to india with. we're all excited to see what each other look like when we aren't ugly and sweaty.

-my roomates and i are currently watching the girls next door. i don't know whether to laugh at this show or be disgusted, so i laugh.

me in a box.

oh, the lovely first days of the semester. these are the days when i arrive to class on-time with my neatly organized binders (they're fun to organize when there's nothing in them but paper and maybe some of those subject separators), brand new writing utensils, hilighters that i FULLY intend to use for underlining the key study points in my textbooks, and an eager attitude that maybe this semester will be the one that i won't have to participate in any type of "getting to know you" games with my other classmates.
...and each semester, along with my poor hilighters (they didn't stand a chance) and attempts at organization, my idealistic hopes and dreams get shot to hell by at least one professor who feels the need to "break the ice". because at southern nazarene university, with an undergrad population of like 1500, none of us know each other.
at least i've got the name game down; my name starts with a "k" which leaves me with very few options. if i have to say my favorite food, i always say "kit-kat". favorite animal= koala. one word self-description limited to the first letter of my name? kooky.

tonight as i was walking to my first elementary music and art class ( i missed last tuesday night's class because i enrolled in it late) i was informed by kaylee that everyone was expected to bring five items in a box that represented who we are and we were to then explain/show the items in front of the class.
i remember having to do this exercise multiple times in middle school and hating it. the only good "me in a box" experience i had was in my 6th grade math class when a fellow classmate named pryncess hughes (seriously) stood in the front of the room with a brown paper sack that contained a stapler and some paper because she "liked to staple paper". either pryncess forgot to bring her "me in a box" items and scrambled those together last minute, or she had an extremely advanced sense of humor for a twelve year old and was sarcastically making fun of the whole stupid activity. either way it was hilarious and memorable for me.

otherwise, i see "me in a box" as a cruel way for middle school teachers to torture his/her students. since the average 11-15 year old is highly egotistical (except for pryncess hughes), this activity provokes stress and anxiety. what to bring? a picture of the family is out- could be seen as childish. POGS? are those still cool? maybe i could bring the eminem CD that i secretly bought with the "parental advisory" sticker on the insert. would it look like i was trying too hard? let me tell you...these were some tough times.

each student shows up to class the next day with five things in a bag (no one ever uses a box). and don't forget- the bag is another chance to nonchalantly strut your coolness. don't even think about toting around your items in a wal-mart bag, it's social suicide. you have to make sure you use an abercrombie, american eagle, or hollister bag. it makes people think that those stores are the only ones you shop at so therefore you had plenty of those bags just lying around.

in my experience most kids showed up with things like a copy of tiger beat magazine containing a JTT centerfold, misc. photos of them and their friends awkwardly making goofy faces (smiling isn't cool at this age), the hideous bracelet and/or necklace from claire's that they received from a friend their last birthday, a PG-13 or R movie stub that was probably found in their mom's purse, and other stuff that in no way represents who they are as a person at all. and to top it all off, they all spend so much time freaking out over how their peers perceive them and their belongings in a bag that they don't realize that everyone else in class is just as worried about their own presentation . so worried, in fact, that they are staring at the student in the front of the classroom with glazed eyes anxiously awaiting their fate without even listening to anyone else's "me in a box".
not that i know from experience or anything ;)

so basically what you have is a bunch of insecure pre-teen students sharing a false sense of themselves...to themselves; and due to lack of maturity and development they normally do not realize this-- which is why i think "me in a box" is worthless and just plain mean.

fast forward to college students doing this activity. like most did today, i will probably grab five things right before class and bore everyone to tears explaining what they mean to me.

...or maybe i'll bring a stapler and some paper. it'd surely be more interesting than the crosses and bibles everyone else brought.

take a moment to soak up the cuteness

i would just like to brag that i have the cutest and sweetest little cousins alive.
the proof is in the pictures.

i'll have to start with the obligatory christmas photos.
on christmas eve the grandparents and i headed over to kara and nate's to decorate COOKIES! for some reason, kara had only purchased cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies. i told her this was not acceptable. in order for it to be an official christmas cookie decorating...thing...the cookies must be sugar and they must be in christmas shapes along with red and green frosting and sprinkles. wow, kara is so lucky that i had been there to guide her. we headed to schnucks and $15 later we were ready to decorate!


it's a very serious process. also, that awesome sweater i am wearing was handed down by my grandmother who is a former teacher. isn't it perfect? it breaks every rule of fashion and is still fabulous. ha.

how nice
as you can see above, our poor cookies that we spent so long cutting out expanded in the oven beyond normal cookie-expansion. a lot of them ended looking like giant blobs. oh well.

moving onto the family christmas party.....
here is a photo of my grandfather looking like he is plotting to murder the entire family at any moment.

prepare for your heart to melt at this next one of michelle and grace. they are so sweet! can you see the family resemblance?





it was a merry christmas. although, i've noticed each year that christmas is less and less exciting. it's more fun when you're a kid. thanksgiving is so much better.

anyways, the next day my cousin grace was having her 6th birthday party. she had a princess party. the girls got dressed up in the many costumes that grace and michelle have. they decorated princess crowns with jewels and ate cupcakes.


prepare yourself for the cuteness of the next photo.

the two on the left are not my cousins. notice on the far left the little girl not wearing a crown or a dress? she was the one at the party who didn't like anything. she didn't like dressing up. she didn't like cupcakes. she didn't want to wear her crown. after my aunt ann took the photos, she said "i didn't smile in the pictures, i just went like this" (she then showed that her mouth was just in a straight line...NOT a smile) it sounds super annoying but she was actually hilarious. it was just so ridiculous it was funny. she told us she liked "boy stuff" like transformers and wii. at least she isn't afraid to be who she is. ha.

after the princess party i took my cousin madison on our long awaited date to starbucks. she couldn't wait to go and get a treat. she asked me if the treats would be shaped like dog treats. haha.

notice the silver purse on the table. that is madison's "big girl" purse, filled with all the essentials: nail polish, lipstick, and other varius makeup that santa brought her. she is the girliest little girl of them all. we get along quite nicely.


i love it. love them all.

speaking of "cute", jon and kate plus 8 are having their marathon of favorite episodes today. YES! being on christmas break means that i can sit around and watch television all day. how wonderful. anyways, i love kate. everyone thinks she is controlling and obnoxious but i think she is great and funny- despite the fact that she always wears capri pants. and how sweet is little aidan with those glasses!! and poor maddie...no one likes her. she is such a snot. and the sad thing is if you were to ask my mom, she would probably say that i was like maddie when i was her age. and i would have to agree with her. sorry mom. us oldest girls just have to be the boss.
jon and kate plus 8 makes me want to marry an asian guy and have like 15 cute little asian babies...and get my own show. leslie said it can be called "jon and katie plus 80". sounds perfcet.

reunion crashers

i came up to the beautiful lake st. louis this week to visit my family for christmas. i also came because my best friend leslie's (is the miley cyrus song in your head?) sister was getting married on the 20th. i had to be there for two reasons:

1. i have known leslie and her family for 11 years. we grew up down the street from each other. i wouldn't miss it for the world.
2. the setchfield family knows how to throw a good wedding. seriously. i know from leslie's wedding last year.

laura had her wedding reception in downtown st. louis at an art gallery. the first half was the cocktail hour complete with a jazz band. loooovely.

being an art gallery, there were plenty of weird, artsy things. like this boars head. (i think it's a boar. who really knows).
then after heading upstairs for dinner, we came back downstairs to a different band and an open dance floor. yes!
leslie's daughter and her uncle moose were bustin' the moves.

leslie's husband and i. i think he hates me.


....or he hates all of leslie's friends. ;)


leslie's mom and i groovin.



so. the wedding was wonderful. it ended at 11pm...well...leslie, katie, krissy, amy, and i were not ready to call it a night. leslie's family and all of us had rooms at the omni hotel and a shuttle back and forth from the art gallery. the omni hotel is fancy shmancy, so leslie and her husband graciously allowed all of us girls to sleep over in their room. ha! poor bryan.
we caught the shuttle to the hotel. mr and mrs setchfield were with us and we headed down to the hotel bar. there was some sort of event happening in there so we asked about it at the door. the doorman told us it was a reunion party for everyone who graduated in the st. louis area. ummm, ok? so are we allowed to come in? the doorman told leslie it would cost us each $15. well, forget that. we told him "thanks but no thanks" and turned to leave. the doorman then said we could come in for free.

we walk in. there is a DJ and a buffet of some sort. this party was...predominantly african american. ok, we were the only white people there. i loved it.
while the setchfields took advantage of the buffet, us girls decided to go dance. why not?! after requesting some beyonce, we had the party going. this was seriously the funniest thing in life. i mean what kind of situation were we in?!
we were actually the youngest people there. most of the people there had graduated high school in like 1998. leslie said she saw one that graduated in 87. are you getting how awesomely funny this was?
mr. setchfield decided to head over to the dance floor. we got in a circle and danced to "whatever you like" by TI and mr. setchfield was impressed we knew all of the words. i told him i was impressed by his awesome dance moves. who knew the "grocery cart" was still cool and hip?
oh, and the best part...there was a king and queen crowned. the queen was pregnant. i kid you not. the king got a ridiculously huge crown and a crystallized bottle of absolut vodka. seriously..they couldn't splurge for some grey goose?! i mean, this is the reunion for all of those who graduted in the st. louis area!!!! COME ON!

really though. i didn't understand the concept behind this party. but it was fun nonetheless.


today there is a marathon of "what not to wear" and "say yes to the dress" on TLC. so, you can find me on my grandma's couch...doing nothing all day.

gossip girl

every monday night between 7 and 8 pm is 'gossip girl' time. it's highly anticipated by laura and i. we text message our opinions and analysis of each episode as it is being aired. tonight was a big cliffhanger/big deal episode and i would like to share with your our text message conversations word for word. it's almost embarassing. actually..it is.

me- are you watching it?

laura- yeah! oh dang! bart died! i'll have to watch it tomorrow (last week's). good for rufus but i'm scared for lilly! and serena and dan better not get back together!

me- i know! it's crazy. ok lilly's mom on the show must be her real mom because they are twins.

laura- i know! i thought the same thing!

laura- did you just see jenny's purse?

me- no, what was it?

laura- it was a black clutch with a massive gold safety pin as its handle.

me- god serena is such a selfish bitch.

laura- i know. i can't stand her. i hope she pulls a mischa barton and gets killed in a car crash off a cliff! they could use the golden gate bridge!

me- hahaha!the golden gate bridge? don't you mean the brooklyn bridge? haha! but i agree. why the HELL does she care that dan is there?! like who does she think she is?! i'm so mad! haha!

laura- you know they are going to play that love triangle up. yeah, i meant that bridge. ha ha!
did rufus and lilly sleep together?

me- yeah i'm sure. they dated. during season one i always thought one of the humphrey kids was lillys. or vice versa. serena a humphrey! and i hate the stupid love triangle. this whole show should revolve around blair.
ok and jenny needs to shutup and dye her roots.

laura- i know! haha! i meant did they sleep together last week?

me- ohh. no they didn't.

laura- haha! roots don't really bother me until they are inches long.

me- omg! lilly! everyone is pissing me off!

laura- they did last season.

me-did they? i don't remember that!

laura- at the end. the night before she married bart.

me- oh i forgot!




me- ok. i'm really sad chuck didn't tell blair he loved her back! but i'm also glad they are building up this relationship so long. i think that means it'll last on the show. i hope! and i really want to see that bride wars movie. ha!

laura- i agree about the chuck and blair thing! and bride wars! ha ha!

me- i love that the bald teacher from clueless is blair's future stepdad. haha! and her outfit! i want. AND serena's new boyfriend looks like a child molester.

laura- i think he's hot! the bald guy is from princess bride which is what i keep thinking!

laura- i'm so scared for lilly and rufus! can't they just be happy for a little bit?!

me- haha he is! i forgot! is lilly really going to go away with another man the day of her husband's funeral? pffft.

me- i know! and dan is about to ruin it for them!


laura- she's going away with the love of her life!


me- still. she could have at least waited a day! it will look bad.

laura- BUT! maybe serena will remember and keep it that way? since she kind of owes her mom?!

me- yeah she owes her mom! and she owes the watchers of the show to make a selfless move! haha! i wish that in high school i had a college boyfriend that took me to buenes aires for christmas. i'm sorry he is just way creepy.

me- dan is so awkward in every scene. blair will never need serena's fashion advice.

laura- i know. he was more hot last year!

me- he was! actually his best days were in john tucker must die!

me- clueless teacher is wearing a yamaka! haha! i really love them.

laura- please make it!!!! please...

me- i know! ok we better know the reason behind the mental institution tonight.

laura- i have a feeling it's rufus. like her mom wouldn't let her be with him or something and she couldn't handle... i don't know. we won't...don't get your hopes up!!!

me- but what would that have to do with bart bass? like why was chuck so mad? there has to be another part.

laura- that's not it. Hmmm...

me- omg. here it comes.

laura- dan is so selfish too! kids these days!

me- hahaha! he is! aw! blair and chuck are spooning!

me- omg! so she had an abortion? what?

laura- what did the end note say? they had a freaking kid!!! I KNEW IT HAD TO DO WITH RUFUS!!!! january fifth?! that's so long!!!

laura- her mom! i'm telling you!

me- ugh. always leaving us hanging! i really think either serena or her brother is rufus' kid. and i know! i can't wait that long! her mom what?

laura-no, dude...they would have stopped them from being together! that's nasty!

laura- it's lilly's mom! that's why she had an abortion!

me- no serena's brother. no one was together with him he is gay! there has to be something more than just an abortion. she went away to france to have the baby and made it look like she was at the mental institution. then the baby was given up for adoption. and rufus is mad since she never told him.

laura- well...we shall see...




now wasn't that fun?