for almost 22 years now, i have been alive and kicking; i've been through 22 years of experiences, and whether they be good or bad, i've learned/am learning from them all.
but...as a human being of normal cognitive functioning, there are some experiences that should never need to re-occur because the outcome of said experiences were just crappy and made me feel stupid. so why do these types of events happen over and over again?
by now, i should've known:
-you can't open a bottle of diet coke straight from the vending machine without waiting a couple of minutes. swiftly twisting off the cap will result in an overflow of carbonation onto your hands, possibly down your shirt, and onto the floor (or worse: your shoes). if you are in public, which you probably are because i don't know anyone with a vending machine in their home, you will probably feel stupid as you stand there with your arms out in that frozen and shocked "oh-crap-i-just-opened-my-diet-coke-too-quickly-and-it's-spilling-everywhere" stance. and if you're doing that stance, you're probably making the corresponding face. you know what i'm talking about. the one where you look like a scared child and make that "thhhhhhhhhh!" hissy noise through your clenched teeth.
stupid stupid stupid.
- if you are trying to teach 2nd graders about erosion and need to purchase a piece of sod from home depot, don't try to purchase the sod in a nice white cardigan and no truck or piece of plastic to sit the sod on in your backseat. the home depot employee that is helping you out will probably think you are an idiot. you will pick up on this as soon as he laughs and talks to you like you've never stepped foot in the rugged outdoors before. and if you're like me, you will try to pretend that you knew the sod would get your nice cardigan and your backseat dirty and that you didn't care. end result= a car that smells like a garden and a dirty sweater.
- don't procrastinate on paying your phone bill that is due on the same day every month. with that comes the hassle of your phone service getting turned off only to, minutes later, go online (can't call), pay bill and $35 late fee, and get your phone back on. on top of that comes the added anxiety over what calls or texts you could have missed, then the discontent with yourself being so concerned that you may have missed important calls and texts over a period of probably 20 minutes.
-when the parking lot at school is full except for the empty space by the tree, don't park there. especially in the cold months when massive amounts of birds travel to oklahoma. trees are a popular hangout for birds. birds poop. if your car is parked near a tree, birds will probably poop all over it.
don't be stupid. happy summer :)
